im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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