Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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