omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
