Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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