just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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