Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
