i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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