My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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