Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
