But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
