Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
