You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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