so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
