first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
