There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
