I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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