I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
