i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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