your thong is hanging out like whoa
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
