12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
