If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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