i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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