I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
