Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
