Little spoons don't ask big questions
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
