Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
