Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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