Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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