I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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