somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
