i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
