she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
