genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize