well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
how does that bad decision feel?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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