its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
