Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
