I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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