come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
