Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
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His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
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Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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