Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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