i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
