It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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