i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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