He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
