I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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