Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i wish my penis had a tongue
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
