dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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