Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
