so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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