it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
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The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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