He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
