Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
