dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
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She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
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Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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