My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
