Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
