38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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