hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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