You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
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I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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