I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
