He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
