She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
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I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
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also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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